Running for the shelter...

In case you were wondering what happens when you up your dosage of anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication and start a new prescription, a sedative, at the same time, under doctor's orders, in case you were wondering about all that, I'll just go ahead and tell you. First there is the crying. This is something you've been doing off and on for a couple of days anyway. There are babies everywhere around you. Austin has been hit with some kind of fucking pandemic. There are reminders everywhere of what you don't have - what you are missing. You will have lunch across the table from a charming 7 year-old you've just met who is interested in discussing how weird it is that a baby can come out of such a small spot. Together you will imagine other humorous places a baby could come out of. She will find this hilarious.

She will, of course, ask you if you have kids. Then she will ask you if you are a teenager. For the first time in almost thirteen years you will wish the answer to that question is 'yes.'

When you first take the sedative, you will feel slightly off-balance. Do not panic. This is normal. As time goes on and you evaluate your physical and psychological experience you will not feel sedate. You will however feel as though something very large and heavy, let's say both of the Samoan Twins tied together in the same diaper, is sitting on top of you.

You will get mad at your dog because he accidentally steps on your foot. You will get very, very mad at him.

Then there is the crying. It is epic, hysterical, non-cathartic. You walk to the bedroom to begin your nightly bedtime rituals and collapse on the bed heaving and saying, quietly, to no one in particular, "Please, please, please, please," and "No, no, no, no." Your husband will be very concerned.

You will try to sleep, after all, this is a sedative. That's what they give hysterical, grieving women to make them sleep, right? You will twitch through most of the night, sleeping sporadically, fitfully.

You will wake up exhausted. The bags under your eyes are a rainbow of colors. You will stay in your pajamas on the couch all day. Your husband, so busy and stressed out at work, will be more concerned when he walks in the door at the end of the day with hamburgers and you begin to cry into yours. This will continue until the drug finally makes its way completely out of your system. You will not be taking it again.

Comments

[Michael Arthur]

Duly noted.

I am so NOT going to ever do that.

[black b]

i was discussing the other day that one of my biggest beefs with star trek (there aren't many because, well, meh) is the holodeck. i freaking hate the holodeck. but things like this make me wish that beaming were a possiblity for us, my friend.