girl:progress

Five More Things I Learned Last Week.

1.    Sometimes people think it's ok to swim in their thin, white, see-through-when-wet boxer shorts and my friend, let me tell you, it is not.

2.    Jessica Lange really does look that weird in person. But I saw a sweet moment between her and Sam, when he leaned over the table to look into her eyes, and then he kissed her. So, aaahhh.

3.    It is possible for Orf instruments to rock. Starting off a covers set with a Stones medley - not so rocking.

4.    Bekkah really can do the leprechaun/Ewok heel kick to the side. Though when she is drunk and on the beach, said maneuver will cause her to fall down flat on her side. She will think this is very, very funny.

5.    There is a temple in the jungle in Mexico that was built for a fertility goddess. People travelled from far away in a canoe through a canal and then a lagoon and another canal and another lagoon and then on foot through the jungle to bring offerings to the temple and the goddess - a jade treasure, buried deep within the temple. Many hundreds of years later, a man came to study the temple and took the jade. Two days later he died.

I have obviously fucked with the wrong goddess.

Five Things I Learned Last Week.

1.    The feeling I have when I realize that tomorrow morning I will not have to experience the pain of knowing that I was so the drunkest person in the room. That feeling is a really good feeling.

2.    My Spanish is better than I thought.

3.    Drunken charades rules.

4.    I get songs stuck in my head incessantly and immediately. This is a much-abbreviated list of the  songs I got stuck in my head last week:

Islands in the Stream
Summer Breeze
Right Here Waiting
Oh Sherrie
My Doorbell

The last on this list being the most frequent and entertaining because the lyrics can be replaced to hilarious affect. As in, when discussing the German man with the really sunburned ass cheeks hanging out of his too small speedo who accompanied us on our tour into Sian Kaan Nature Preserve, "I'm thinkin' 'bout your buttcheeks, how you really burned 'em, how you really burned 'em." This leads me to item number five.

5.    Floating down an ancient canal that served as the canoe highway of Mayan commerce wearing a life jacket like a diaper with a Mayan man who recently told you about the spirit elves in the jungle and singing aforementioned White Stripes song is totally fucking awesome. (We miss you Alberto.)

Click photo for more - photos.

And the Force Is Fine.*

I have had many bad experiences in my local CVS Pharmacy. I once emotionally ambushed a former close friend who's done me wrong and made her cry in the parking lot. And the pharmacy really is no friend to the infertile. Any time I've heard bad fertility news and am trudging in there to pick up my 47th prescription for the month there will inevitably be some young woman in there with her adorable child.

Yesterday I walked in right behind this older woman marching with great purpose past the beeping security alarm asking her to return to the register to complete her sale. By the time a CVS employee comes around the corner she's almost to the end of the aisle and I'm left standing there. This CVS employee will stealthily shadow me for the rest of my visit.

I stand there disoriented, trying to remember why I came. I begin to move to the back of the store heading towards the toothbrushes. The March-y Woman from the front is at the pharmacy desk being helped by three kindly CVS employees who are trying to apologize that one amongst them had neglected to ask and had simply assumed that the March-y Woman had insurance.  "She just assuuuumed that I had insurance. Not everyone has insurance," she barked. She moved on to complain about the medication itself. I was listening, hard.

Her dentist had told her she should try to get the freshest batch of pills available. Even though her pills weren't set to expire until 2007, she was sure there were pills out there that weren't due until 2008, at least. And those were the pills she wanted. The head pharmacist, and seriously, this guy could have been the pharmacist in any Capra film, is trying to explain the CVS warehouse stocking policies - something about last in last out, or first in last out - and my chest is starting to tighten. I'm sucking viciously on my gum and I know my brow is furrowed. I can literally feel my crazy being sucked in by this woman's crazy. It's like this lady was the Death Star of Crazy and I was a rogue tie-fighter being pulled in by her magnetic tractor beam.

* This is a very in-joke. Like, in my house, in. Please do not feel left out.